It’s true what they say that nothing can prepare you for parenthood! It is a journey that you have to experience first-hand with its challenges, uncharted territories and moments that are bursting with bright and overwhelming joy!
I was told that the first 3 months are the hardest, so I mentally prepared myself and my goal : make it to 12 weeks! But the reality is that after this point comes more challenges: growth spurts, developmental leaps, teething, weaning, crawling and so on – does it ever really stop?
I was recently sat enjoying a coffee and a chat with one of my friends, who is mum-to-be, and I was reveling in my motherhood experiences when she asked me ‘what got you through?‘.
There is no single thing that can get you through, but coffee does come pretty close!
For the stages of parenthood we have experienced so far I can clearly outline the things that have got us through and made our lives that little bit easier. I shall share these tips and recommendations in the hope that it makes your life a little easier too!
I must take a moment to address the non-material things – the constants – that have gotten us through, regardless of which manic stage of parenthood we have been at.
1. Love and support – this has come in all shapes and sizes from:
- My partner – he has undoubtedly been my rock! It has been his patience, love and support has gotten us to where we are today: a strong, happy family unit. Whether it be him stepping up to cook dinner while I’m settling little one or a sympathetic look with a few confidence boosting words, reminding me that I’m ‘doing a brilliant job’ – it all helps! He is definitely what has got us through and I love him that little bit more for it 🖤
- Family – I am fortunate that I have a wonderful family, including my in-laws. One of the greatest things I appreciate is that they know when to give us space and let us parent in the way that we want to. They are there to offer advice if we need it – and at times we definitely DO! Their support is what gets us through – whether it be to spend time and look after the baby or to help out with some ironing or cleaning!
- Friends – I don’t have one circle of friends, mine are split across small groups from school, sixth form, uni, work, etc. and I would often catchup with them from time to time pre-George. True friends are there for you and support you no matter what: my friends understand if I have to cancel or I’m running late because of something baby-related; they respect times that clash with George’s routine and do their best to include me and fit things around me. So even though I may not see some of my friends as often, I still have made the effort when I can to have some girly time – which has been my sanity in between feeding and changing nappies!
I have a handful of girlfriends also on maternity – so George and I are never bored! In fact I see a mummy friend at some point during the week most weeks and frequent a coffee shop or two! I love seeing my friends blossom into amazing mums and seeing their little ones growing into little humans.
In addition, I have also connected with some amazing mums via social media and we often share hardships and compare stories. It’s funny because I don’t feel alone, even though we have never met! All of this support, no matter how small, has got me through and still is getting me through!
2. Routine – I have strived to have some form of routine from day one – for both feeding and sleeping. Miraculously we started seeing one develop at around 6 weeks and this structure seems to suit us all – including George who loves his naps and won’t thank you for becoming overtired. (We learned that one the hard way in the beginning) I have followed Lisa Clegg’s book, The Blissful Baby Expert, and it has worked for us – without a shadow of a doubt, this is another element that has got us through!
3. Mindset – in the darkest of days and in the bleak fog of pure exhaustion it is the easiest thing to get swallowed up by sheer overwhelm. Remember that tomorrow is a new day and it is an opportunity to start afresh with an open mind. I found that after a couple of bad days, the baby would have that one good day – sleeping well, feeding at good intervals and I may have even managed to have one hot cup of tea or coffee!! Being only human, I would become hopeful and when the next day didn’t go as well as the day before I would analyse everything – what did I do wrong?
We are our own worst critic and I have to remind myself that George was and still is a baby, still growing and getting used to everything. Do we eat at the same time every day? eat exactly the same amount? go to sleep like clockwork every day? I think not! So how can we expect this from a baby?! Yes, of course have structure and routine but there is an element of flexibility that needs to be had. I have reminded myself of this ALOT! Overtime I have relaxed a little, only through a conscious effort to keep my mindset right.
Each stage has taught me different things and I have learnt new skills – both practically, mentally and emotionally.
I can’t help you with the emotional stuff but I can outline the products and tips that helped us from a practicality perspective and ultimately what got us through…
WelshMummySteph 